im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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