I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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