i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
