i think my tv is drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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