He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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