At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
