remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
