So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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