He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
