tell your sister to shave her snatch
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
