In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
