Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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