apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
