I'm passing your future prison.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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