"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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