This house was built for laser tag.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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