You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
