Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize