I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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