she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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