Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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