Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
