I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
