walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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