I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
