You made me cry and you don't even care
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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