you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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