I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
