you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just blew my weed a kiss
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
