I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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