if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
