final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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