Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
