We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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