just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm both gender and math confused
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
