it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
