She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
