i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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