have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
