I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
