fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
