I just made out with a guy for $7.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize