So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So much Jack, so little girl.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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