Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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