I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
