swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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