In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
