is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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