did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
