dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
