am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
