What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Welp...herpes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
