you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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