i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
