u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize