Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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