I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Enjoy the penises
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
