At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
