I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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