Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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