Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
