Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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