I think I am morally bankrupt
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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