Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
