We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
