I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
