not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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