the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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