You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
