I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
