I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
