The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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