dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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