I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
