I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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