Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
